For years, I was a “successful” leader who happened to be closeted.
I managed teams, hit targets, and played the role. On paper, I was thriving. Inside, I was contorting myself to fit a system that didn’t feel safe for who I really was.
When I finally came out to an executive, the doors closed quietly but quickly.
No dramatic showdown. Just opportunities that disappeared, conversations that cooled, and a clear message: your full self is… inconvenient.
I found myself at a crossroads. Keep hiding to stay “safe,” or tell the truth about who I am and live with the fallout. Financial, relational, professional.
I chose authenticity.
It was disorienting, painful, and expensive. I questioned my judgment, my future, and whether I’d just blown up everything I’d worked for.
But in that freefall, something else became possible.
I started naming my values. Not the ones on the poster, the ones in my bones. I learned what could bend and what absolutely could not. I was mentored by leaders who wanted all of me in the room, not just the polished, edited version.
That journey became the backbone of my coaching practice and my coaching framework. A way for leaders to navigate values clashes, act with integrity, and stop leaving themselves at the door just to keep the peace.
Coming out cost me a job. It also gave me my life back.
If you’re a values-driven leader hearing that quiet voice “Is this really how you want to spend the next 20 years?” that’s not a red flag. It’s a breadcrumb.
Follow it.
And if you want a space to think it through, not another person telling you what to do, that’s the work I love most. Let’s talk.
